Seasonal thoughts

It's cold, and it's going to get colder still over the next few days. Ice on the roads and on the outside of my windows, people wondering if there will be snow falls before Tuesday morning. It's certainly cold enough, but the skies are clear, and my friend Lorenzo will be rubbing his hands in glee and looking for somewhere he can set up his telescope to take advantage of good stargazing weather. I've turned my heating on continuous to make sure I sleep soundly and don't have to worry about getting cold during the night. I'm snug as a bug in a rug. But only for the next day or so.

Christmas is about family above everything else, and mine are a good four hours drive away, up crowded icy motorways. I have to fill a car with presents, pack my rucksack (and a few golf clubs) wrap myself up warm and join the annual migration north of all those who moved here to seek work in the south, for their multiple different reasons.

My mother wants me north as soon as possible, because I'm the one who lives on my own, far away, and she doesn't see enough of me as it is. My dad is happy to let me take my time, because he wants me to be safe driving in the adverse weather. My brother is off to his wife's family, and will catch me when he can. My sister and her husband don't have the kids for Christmas day this year, but they will see them a day or so later.

I have a few loose ends to ties up. The last lot of cards to deliver by hand, to close friends. Then my warm little house will be empty for nearly three weeks, two weeks with family, followed by a week away in the US, with work. When I come home it will be a colder, darker, emptier place than the family home, where I will be surrounded by parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and old family friends who want to know about everything I have been doing for the last year. I try to ration them to three questions each, to keep the interrogations under control.

Two weeks with the family makes me realise what I miss by living alone, with only my work and a few friends for stimulation. Once upon a time, when I was younger, this Faustian pact seemed like a good idea. Now I'm not so sure. I gave up a lot in terms of social support when I came to work in the south. This year I have felt closer to the people I have met here, but it's still not the same. I have now spent twenty years living away from my immediate family, and now I wish for a family of my own. Time to grow up.